Another Time, Another Love
by Becky99
Summary: Helena's double from ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER PLACE reflects on her life and lost love while she awaits her destiny. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_**Another Time, Another Love**_

_((Hi, this fiction is a short Space: 1999 fiction featured in the zine: MOONSCAPE. Hope you enjoy it. Becky))_

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She had written a letter and addressed it to Sandra. It spoke of who and where she wanted her possessions to go, a request to be buried near John Koenig's memorial grave and lastly, a note that flowers should continue to be placed on the smaller grave to the left of John's for as long as reasonable.

Victor would understand the last request even if others did not.

Helena lay the letter atop the bed and waited. Her other, younger self would be coming soon.

She lifted a hand to touch her cheek; warm and smooth. The hair had lost some of its luster and there were fine lines of suffering around her eyes, but she was still considered physically pleasing. If she was going to see _him_ before her time here in Santa Maria was concluded, Helena was glad he would see her as fairly attractive.

But she was older than him now, the other John Koenig from Alpha. It did not really matter, she thought, but she gave herself a moment of feminine vanity to consider where all the years had gone.

Then she remembered the beginning of their lives here on future Earth. There was such hardship and heartbreak - but there was also triumph and devotion; a great deal of love and loyalty in such a short space of time ...

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They had come home!

The Eagles brought them down quickly and, dispersing, the Alphans settled into a routine. While it was dull and fraught with demanding back-breaking work and sacrifice, it was also rewarding. They had come back to Earth and were building a new world!

During the first three weeks, after they settled in Santa Maria, they put up tents to sleep in, assembled their equipment from Alpha, scavenged the landscape, and started rudimentary cropping. The Alphans had taken everything they could from the moonbase to aid them in their quest for survival and, while the technology certainly helped, most of what they did - building, farming and making well-loomed, hard wearing clothing - was done by hand.

Throughout this period, John Koenig found himself observing the men and women around him closely. They were good individuals, strong and intelligent, and afraid of nothing. He had been aware of this on Alpha, of course, but now it pleased him to see the transition from Earth people, breaking new ground in outer-space, to pioneers of a different kind.

He had also observed a few minor but interesting personal draws around their little slice of the world as well; Kano's side-long glances at Tanya who seemed to appreciate the attention, Paul and Sandra laughing softly together at private jokes, and even Victor's not so subtle movement to leave his friends in peace as he tended to his burgeoning flower garden.

Although they were still consuming rations, Tanya and Kano had recently found some wonderful greenery with the texture of iceberg lettuce and a fruit which was shaped like a lemon but tasted like a plum. Earth, although not the same world they had left, was showing signs of welcome. Helena had cleared them both as good fibrous foods and a sort of party was declared.

It was a lovely evening. They sat around a campfire and enjoyed each other's company. While Paul strummed his guitar and David sang off-key, Koenig motioned to Helena that he needed to have a private word with her. He had noticed, not for the first time, how the moon's glow and fire light cast a lovely play of illumination against her smooth skin, The Commander had made a decision about his own future and hoped she would be a central part of it.

Koenig said, "Let's walk." and he took her hand.

Helena supposed he needed some quiet time, away from their friends, but also wanted to hear her reports, making sure that all was working well for them since the advent of Exodus. After all, Life Support was still her specialty even if she only had a minimal use of Computer to run calculations through. Helena had not been idle and she was pleased that John noticed.

And, Helena was sure, he also wanted to talk about Paul and Sandra's wedding plans. The couple stated very clearly they wanted to have children in the near future and even though they had to start somewhere John was not yet certain their small community was ready for little ones running about, getting under foot. Besides, Helena thought with amusement, Koenig was officiating at their wedding and perhaps he needed advice?

Oddly, none of that came up as they walked. Instead, as he held her hand, Koenig spoke quietly of things that were not entirely important at the moment; their daily tasks, and how they would eventually dig for fresh water and have a well.

Helena liked the casualness of his words. They were friends now, talking in an informal way, not Commander and Doctor.

The couple gazed about the desolate forest, spotting only glimmers of green between uprooted trees and hills of rubble. They were by the fresh water creek, called Unsullied by Tanya, that ran from one of the many ashen mountains about them, down through the valley. It not only gave their settlement clean water but the others, those who had broken away from them, also used it to subsist. Eventually they would build a water-well but it would take awhile and Helena wished she had brought a bottle and canteen with them. It seemed a shame to not take advantage of their excursion.

Koenig said nothing but looked at her for a long while. Then, with very little overture, he said: "I want _us_ to get married." and he stood suddenly still.

Helena walked a few paces ahead before what he said registered and she also stopped, let go of his hand, and was silent for a count of ten. "_What_, John?" she asked, her back to him, unsure if she heard him right.

He paused but for only a moment, "You can't _not_ know how I feel about you, Helena."

She turned slowly to look at him, taken aback. "John, I …"

"I think I've loved you since the moment I first saw you in Medical Center." he proclaimed and watched her expression closely.

She was conflicted. Helena blinked. It was a lot to suddenly digest. "I _did_ know there was _something_. I was beginning to wonder if I had imagined an attraction."

He looked at the half-moon above them and tried to explain, "Helena, up there we had to stay focused. We were practically forced to hide our feelings." He reassess, "At least _I_ was. You understand that, don't you?"

Helena nodded. _The weight of command_, she thought, _Sacrificing his own happiness for his people_. It was the price John Koenig paid for being the base's leader. And she too paid dearly. How often had she wanted to tell John, often times hovering outside the door to his quarters, how she felt about him? But how could she be the aggressor when she just could not be certain about his mind-set? Could she have really told him that she desired nothing more then to lay in his arms and have him show her he cared? Perhaps not then but now …

"Alan and Regina have paired up and are joining us tomorrow. We are going to start building houses. They won't be big, probably just one room, but they will be comfortable - enough for two people."

"You _really_ want to set up house with me?" Helena asked, just to be certain.

Koenig felt a little nervous. He did not often misread people but he suddenly began to wonder if he had completely misinterpret Helena's feelings for him. "Yes." Taking a short breath, he moved in closer, a hand gently touching her elbow. "I would like that more then anything in our new world." Then, praying he hadn't missed something very important, John asked: "_You?"_

Helena gasped slightly, realizing her deliberation might have been mistaken for disinterest, "Yes, oh _yes_. I would love nothing better. But John …"

She seemed afraid.

Koenig lifted her chin gently with a finger so he could look into her eyes, "Tell me."

"I know it sounds silly but -" She smiled ever so slightly, embarrassed. "I, umh, haven't been with a man since Lee. I just don't know if I … I don't want to disappoint you."

Koenig chuckled quietly, relieved, and held her close, "You could never disappoint, Helena." Gently, he embraced her, kissed her, and, because he was sure of her answer now, he asked her once again to be his bride.

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TO BE CONTINUED ...


	2. Chapter 2

What followed, after the double Autumn wedding of Paul, Sandra, Alan and Regina, and the building of all their small homes, mostly from storage containers and scrap plastics, was a peaceful first Winter in Santa Maria.

The weather was not bad, no snow or sleet, but they did have heavy rains in November that threatened to make the creek overflow. Despite the danger, Helena loved the rain. It was on those stormy, exciting nights, hearing the pounding of thunder and seeing the flash of lightening, she lay with John Koenig and they could abandon themselves completely, without fear of being discovered. No one wanted to leave their homes during storms.

If there was one regret in their relationship it was that they were sorry that they hadn't taken the initiative sooner. For Helena it was a delight, feeling such deep stimulation, along with a tender, exquisite passion. She had been afraid, after her first husband, she would not be able to feel the same fervor with John Koenig - but she was wrong. He had been so tender and considerate with her during their first night together and when the flame ignited it was like nothing she had ever experienced before, even with Lee who she had loved dearly.

Although John and Helena were ostensibly living in their own quarters, they seldom spent their nights alone. The others knew they were a couple and were waiting for the wedding announcement but, as it was on Alpha, they knew better then to pry into the couple's private lives.

Koenig was ready to marry Helena at anytime of her choosing. He had even asked Victor quietly one evening if he would officiate, but Helena asked them both if they could wait until Spring, when Victor's flowers would be in full bloom.

John Koenig could deny her nothing. She had his heart, mind and body. It took and outer-space journey and discovering Earth again to find his true love. How did he get so lucky?

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Regina was the first to become pregnant but by early Spring it was clear that she had lost the baby. There was no heartbeat, no movement and Helena recalled Alan's expression as being the saddest she had ever seen from the normally cheerful Australian.

Paul and Sandra tried to get pregnant but it was a slow process and both were becoming discouraged.

Helena told John they needed to hold off with their wedding plans. She found Regina very prone to infection and fevers, taking up a great deal of Helena's time, and Sandra was emotionally troubled, stopping in to see her often. Even Adam Strom from Camp Three came to see her regularly for stomach ulcers and Gemma Neal from a settlement in the west had developed a nervous disorder. Dr. Russell, for now, could concentrate on nothing but her patients, as well as the Alphan's on-going fight for survival.

She used her own small home as a hospital, cleaning everything thoroughly, making sure those who came to see her, from near and far, were well taken care of.

Helena had learned that Dr. Mathias, in his village, was just as busy as she and had even fewer resources. She asked Bob and his bride, Paula, to come live with them in their settlement. Helena felt they could join forces and provide even better medical care for their people. However, Mathias was needed desperately where he was and Helena understood his position.

Koenig did not mind Helena converting her home into a Medical Center because it meant she would come to him every evening and spend the night. She had no other place to sleep unless she pitched a tent and Koenig would not hear of it. Besides, It also gave him the opportunity, as she lay in his arms at night, to remind his betrothed that with all the sadness around them, the illness and loss of life, it might be time to celebrate again.

A wedding would be the perfect antidote.

They married in early Summer, Victor's flower garden making a lovely backdrop to the festivities. It had been a wonderful time, a beautiful ceremony, and Helena now took John Koenig's last name as her own.

By Winter of that same year Sandra was pregnant with her first child, a son for she and Paul.

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Their Alphan uniforms did not wear well in this new harsh environment. When it came to working the land they were useless. After repeated washings in the Unsullied they began to fall apart. A loom was created and clothing, light but well-wearing robes, were fashioned. Helena found she was very good with not just the loom but needle and thread.

"Not surprising," Victor had told her. "As a doctor you sutured all of the time."

Helena told him it was not quite the same thing.

Progress was being made.

The water-well was built, their crops were coming in, and after David had been attacked by a small but vicious animal, which left the two small fingers on his left hand permanently numb, a security feature was installed around their settlement's perimeter. If ever a breech or emergency occurred someone would be there in seconds. It did not happen often but the Alphans had become proficient in tackling whatever might come their way.

Three years after the birth of Sandra's first son she had become pregnant again and there was much joy. Regina and Alan never conceived again and Helena told John, quietly one evening, that she felt her miscarriage had been so brutal that it may have made Regina incapable of ever having children. However, at least on the outside, the woman was very please for Sandra.

One evening, just after a particularly hard day of investigating and scavenging the south end of the Dead Forrest, Koenig came into their home and told Helena he might need to take their reserve Eagle to the moon.

Victor told them the afternoon before that while the power core which provided their community (and several others) with electricity was currently working proficiently, they might eventually find themselves in trouble unless they had a back up energy source. Alan had mentioned that Alpha still housed the McKinney Converter, a mechanism that might keep them going indefinitely if Professor Bergman could learn to adapt it to their needs. Initially, they never brought the core down because it was huge and awkward. Moreover, they weren't really certain it was needed and there were plenty other life saving items they needed to pack into their Eagles.

But now, it made sense.

Helena was unaccountably nervous and slightly angry.

Koenig did not comprehend her mood, the way she was shutting him down, until Helena placed a hand on her stomach and told him a husband should not leave his pregnant wife for the dangers of space travel. Koenig could not believe it. They had never really discussed children. It was always about someone else. Helena, although far from old, said she was no longer a twenty year old and decided to live vicariously through the younger women who were more likely to conceive.

Koenig was beside himself with happiness but also worried. Was she well? Did she need something? Could there be a danger?

Yes. No. Possibly - but it was worth it.

Helena told him she wanted to keep her pregnancy quiet for awhile because Regina was emotionally fragile and she did not want to take the focus away from Sandra and her pending birth just yet. "Eventually, when I start to balloon, I think the others will get the idea."

That evening, despite his fatigue, their love-making was tender and especially profound.

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Koenig was more eager then ever to get that extra power source from Alpha now. If their community was going to grow they needed all the advantages their moon could supply them. "We'll go there and come back in a day." he told her, "You won't have time to miss me. And just think of the benefits." he encouraged.

He was going no matter what she said so Helena merely nodded.

A day later the men were packing up Eagle 3.

If Helena was having a premonition, a fear that something might go wrong, Regina was almost certain this was the worst idea they had ever had. She begged Alan not to go but he reassured his wife that nothing could go wrong. They were only going to the moon, not to the other end of the galaxy.

"Alan, I'm afraid!" She held her husband and whispered close to his ear.

"Nothing to fear, love." he assured then teased, "I'll bring you back a present."

Away from them, John held Helena in his arms and her head rested on his shoulder.

"Promise me you will be careful." she said.

Koenig kissed her forehead gently, "Of course. We're even wearing space-suites although we really don't need to suit up until we get to Alpha." He pulled slightly away but Helena was not yet finished with him.

She wrapped her arms around her husband and kissed him again but with more passion, a kiss of love, worry and - upon later reflection - a kiss that would signify the end.

"Now, how can I _not_ return when I have you, a child on the way and _this_," His lips found hers again, "to come home to?" John whispered in her ear. "Tell _Aaron_ that his Daddy will be home soon."

"Or _Anna_." she chuckled.

He smiled at Helena and gently brushed an errant strand of hair from her cheek. His hand then dropped and he lightly and confidentially patted her belly. "As long as it's healthy and I get to spend the rest of my life with both of you I don't care if it's a girl or boy."

"Come on, Commander. It's time to go!" Carter called. It had been awhile since Alan flew and he was impatient.

Koenig nodded in his direction and looked one last time at Helena. He cupped her cheek with his hand before he parted.

She stepped back with Regina and the others as they waved and the Eagle's hatch closed.

Helena would speak with John one more time and, in the next week, she would know a grief like nothing she ever experienced in her life.

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TO BE CONTINUED ...


	3. Chapter 3

**CONCLUSION:**

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"They could still be alive." Helena insisted, pushing away the bowl of soup Sandra had brought to her.

Paul and Sandra looked at one another and watched as Victor gently squeezed Helena's shoulder. Then, all three left her alone in the makeshift communications room.

She had been up for nearly thirty hours, hovering near their radio-receiver, hoping beyond all hope she would hear from him.

Regina had been monitoring the Eagle through their two-way radio and when she heard Alan call in a distress signal, stating a crash was immanent, she cried out and called for the others. Then all communication was lost. The absolute silence that followed was deafening and Regina had to be given a sedative. She was then taken to her home by Kano and Tanya.

However, Helena stayed and continued to call and listen. No amount of reasoning would make her go back to her lonely home. She had to be absolutely certain …

"Please, John. Answer me. Talk to me …." she said over and over again until, exhausted, Helena lay her head on her arm and dozed.

"Hello …" It was the slightest of sounds. Static and words. "Base camp, can you hear me?"

Helena's head bobbed upward, "John?" she spoke into the microphone, "_John_?"

"Helena …" His voice was strained and pained.

"You're alive!" she cried, looking to the door, wanting desperately to rush out and get the others.

"No …." he whispered.

Helena's joy turned to fear. Her breathing became ragged as he continued.

"Alan's dead … and I'm on my way … Eagle crashed …" More static.

"John, _no_." Her voice was shaking with emotion and her eyes closed as tears fell.

"Even if I could survive …"

There was no way for any of them to get to him. There were no other functioning Eagles, all having been dismantled, used by other camps for various useful reasons. Somehow, they all thought one Eagle would be enough in case of an emergency. After all, why would they _ever_ return to the moon?

"Helena, I'm sorry - so sorry. I was so sure …"

More tears fell. "There has to be a way! John, don't leave …"

"I'll be waiting for you, Helena …" The transmission was fading,

She knew he meant in the afterlife and that acknowledgment distressed her even further, "John, don't go! I love you! You can't do this …"

"… love you … love you so much … Tell our …"

"John! John!" Symbolically, her hands reach for him and in her mind's eye she could see him, in the crashed Eagle, lifting a hand for her as well.

Then the hand dropped and inside his helmet, hidden by the visor, she could see his eyes. Those striking blue eyes she had always admired, those eyes that always sparkled when he smiled or warmed when they made love … They closed forever.

He was gone.

"No." Helena gasped and her hands moved to her face. She sobbed uncontrollably for a few moments, until exhaustion claimed her.

The following morning, Victor and Kano found her asleep. Her head was laying on her folded arms on the table. They woke her and escorted a groggy and heartsick Helena to her house. She told them what she had heard but they suspected she had fallen asleep and dreamt it. Helena tentatively agreed although she knew what she had experienced was very real.

Five days later, when the anguish had not quite left the settlement, after an early morning memorial ceremony for their two fallen, Helena asked Victor and Regina to come to her home. She needed to speak privately with both of them.

She was sitting on her bed when they arrived, a bundle wrapped in a small hand loomed blanket, lay in front of her. She was pale and shaking.

"Helena?" Victor asked, Regina beside him.

"I was pregnant." she said, unsmiling, with little emotion. "I miscarried last night."

Regina gasped and they stared at her then the bundle, stunned.

"I don't want anyone to know. There has been too much sadness in our settlement, too much grief. I need your help to bury our son, mine and John's." Helena's voice broke ever so slightly.

_Yes_, Bergman thought, enough stress and despair to make a perfectly healthy woman lose the child she was carrying. But why had she not told them in the first place? "Helena, are you …?" Victor started.

"I'm a doctor, Victor. Everything has been taken care of. I'll be fine." She then stood slowly and picked up the bundle tenderly, "I'm trusting you both. I'll keep to myself for awhile to recover but will need some help until fully well again. The others will be told I'm … _adjusting_."

They buried Aaron next to the memorial. No one saw them because Sandra, nearly due with her second child, was resting in she and Paul's home, and the others were out foraging for food, water and other supplies.

"Doctor," Regina stood beside Helena as they watched Victor dig the grave, "Why did you choose me as your confidant?"

"You are much stronger then you think you are, Regina." Helena said, "And we have more then one thing in common now."

The women watched Victor place the small package into the freshly dug opening.

Lost husbands. Lost babies. Lost lives.

Regina took Helena's hand, "In a way, that makes us sisters, doesn't it?'

Helena looked at Regina's hand holding her own. "Yes, I suppose it does." She flinched as the first shovel of earth was tossed into her child's grave.

Regina nodded and squeezed her hand. "We will just have to take care of each other from now on. The Commander and Alan would have wanted that."

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And they did take care of each other for five long years, keeping secrets and becoming dear friends. That was, until Regina became ill and died only a few days ago.

Helena learned that not only her double but others had come down from the moon, from Moonbase Alpha, and she knew who would be commanding the mission. He would _have_ to be with them. The John Koenig she knew could not stay away.

She thought of this as the curtain parted. Helena watched as her younger self, unsure and a little frightened, walked into her home. She accepted her and what was to happen next and welcomed it. She told the younger Helena not to be afraid … and then she walked from her dwelling, the house she had shared with John, where she had lost their child, and the prison she had spent her widow-hood in. It would also be the first place she would return to once dead, to be prepared for her funeral.

But, for now, she simply walked outside and the minute Helena saw him she was reminded of better days, when they had first come to Earth and he had made the decision they should stay. As she slowly ambled to him, remembering that time near the Unsullied when he proposed, Helena was awash with love and wished she could see the same in his eyes once again.

But nothing was there but confusion and sympathy. He looked to her, the other Helena, unsure what he should do or how, in the future, they might get past this problem. After all, although John did not yet know it (or perhaps he did) - he loved her other self, not the woman before him …

But it was all right. All she wanted was one last kiss, his lips touching hers, and it would not matter anymore …

She would be with _her_ John Koenig. Her friend, lover, husband and partner for eternity.

And life, for the rest of the returned Earth people would continue. They would survive and flourish. They would often visit those who had gone before them - and leave flowers. Gifts of love … Even on the tiny unmarked grave that no one questioned.

Helena smiled inside as she felt life leave her body …

… and there he was. She saw him, holding their baby, smiling warmly … and waiting for her just as he promised. His hand reached for her, their fingers touched. She could see the future that was denied them. It was amazing. Perfect.

Helena was in Heaven.

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THE END

May-June 2012


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